One of the best things about discontinuing my photography business is that I no longer have photo fatigue when it comes to my own family. Before, I honestly had no energy left to document my family’s milestones and growth, which is ironic because that’s actually the reason I loved photography in the first place!
Thankfully, my kiddos humour my now-rejuvenated passion for photographing them. Yesterday, after homework, we hopped in the car and went down by the river for a few casual snaps.
When I do portraits of Ren, I often have him remove his glasses to avoid lens glare. He does have non-glare lenses but it seems the glare still exists. Granted, if I ask him to lower his chin slightly, the glare will disappear but his natural head position is slightly more upward-facing and I have to constantly remind him to lower his chin. Plus, if he is wearing his glasses the glare is inevitable when I catch him in those cute and natural in-between moments of laughter. Argh! I think I’ll need to remember to have him remove the glasses at least part of the session in the future.
Today is actually an important day in our family history: nine years ago today, Paul and I received Ren’s adoption referral. He was soooo cute in those pictures. I’ll never forget that little shaved head, and his glorious smile that captured our hearts.
He’s never had a shaved head since, but his smile is as bright as ever.
And when he’s not smiling, he’s pulling off these GQ cover model looks that just crack me up. (See the third photo below in particular!)
She is fast becoming a young lady, and I’m not gonna lie: it makes this mama a little sad. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to see her becoming this amazing, confident, independent person; but she is less “mine” day by day, moment by moment. I know she’ll always be my girl but I guess I’m just going through a bit of a nostalgic, melancholy stage of motherhood. I’m sure that this too shall pass. In the meantime, she just laughs at my melodramatic ways!
This little session with the kiddos reminded me that I have no regrets giving up my business nearly a year ago. I’m just not cut out for that business, no matter how much I pushed myself to get over my “issues”, LOL. I’m much too hard on myself in general but especially when it comes to delivering for other people.
For example, when I’d edit a session for clients, my many concerns and insecurities about it could be summed up as, “Is this good enough?” Now, when I’m working on a session for my own family, it’s more like, “Wow, I actually got some good stuff here!” As in, what a delightful surprise! I may wish that I’d captured more poses or had more variety to my backgrounds but since it’s just for me and my own, it doesn’t really matter, because I have only my own expectations to manage.
I actually was super-lucky with all my clients and never had a single complaint but still, it was my own insecurities that got in my way. I know this, and I know I can’t always let those insecurities get the better of me, but I think this was not the fight I wanted to fight with myself.
Well, enough of those heavy reflections. It’s a gorgeous day outside and I’m going to head out there to clean up the yard a bit in the warm sunshine. Have a fantastic day, everyone!